Santa Claus Talks About the Ho-Ho-Ho of Watershapes

Interview by WaterShapes’ Elves

He is known by many names in many places — including Father Christmas, Kriss Kringle and Saint Nicholas — but in America, wide-eyed children of all ages mainly know him as Santa Claus. Imagine our surprise at WaterShapes when we received an e-mail from the jolly, rosy-cheeked legend expressing his love for watershapes of every kind! And imagine our delight when he agreed to speak with us from the North Pole! As far as we know, this is the only interview Santa Claus has ever given to the media on this particular subject. Enjoy!

It’s a real honor to be able to interview you,Mr. Claus. Thank you.

Ho-ho-ho! Please, none of this “Mr. Claus” business. Call me Santa.

Okay…Santa. When we received your e-mail, we were quite surprised to learn you’re such a big proponent of watershapes. We had no idea.

At some point I simply realized that watershapes make the perfect Christmas gift. For example, can you think of anything besides a swimming pool that brings families so close together and give moms, dads and kids alike such joy?

Do you notice a difference between kids who grow up swimming a lot and those who don’t?

I haven’t done any scientific research, but my experience tells me that kids of pool families are considerably less naughty than kids in the control group. Also, I just read about a study whose early results indicate that youngsters who swim a lot may actually be smarter than those who don’t.

Oh, yes, we just reported…

That’s right. I read about it in WaterShapes EXTRA! Ho-ho-ho!

Of course, a gift of a pool or pond or fountain can cost a fair amount of money.

You must have seen all those TV commercials promoting fancy cars as the perfect Christmas present. I say “Humbug!” to that. Most of those cars cost more than a lot of the wonderful watershapes that are available nowadays. And watershapes can give more pleasure than any automobile can — and for more years.

Can you expand on that a bit?

Say you own a pool. You can take a wonderful vacation whenever you want — right in your own backyard! You know where your kids are and can make sure they’re enjoying good, clean fun, not getting into trouble like so many youngsters these days. Plus, swimming is great exercise. What wonderful experiences they’ll have!

You do seem to be in better shape than you were when I was a kid.

Mrs. Claus has put me on a strict exercise regimen. Now I swim laps each and every day. I’m trying to watch the ol’ diet as well.

I hope you’re not going to get too svelte, Santa. That wouldn’t be good for your beloved roly-poly image.

Ho-ho-ho! [Rubbing his ample belly] Fat chance of that happening! Ho-ho-ho! But seriously, even Santa Claus has to take care of the ol’ ticker. Swimming is great for heart health, too.

Isn’t it a little too brisk to swim at the North Pole?

That’s the understatement of the century! It’s exactly why the wife and I installed an indoor pool a few years back.

Really? What can you tell us about it?

It’s partly heated with solar panels — gotta worry about the environment, especially at the North Pole. The pool is beautiful: We had these little glass tiles added to the design because they reminded us of sparkly Christmas ornaments.

Do only you and Mrs. Claus use the pool?

Oh, no! Once we’re done, the elves jump in. They love playing water volleyball — although the ball we have is kind of big for some of them. We’re trying to find a smaller model on eBay. Anyway, when the elves take over the pool, the Mrs. and I head straight for the spa.

You have a spa as well?

Ooohhh…there’s nothing better after a tough day in the workshop than taking a nice, hot soak in a spa. Great for the muscles, and [Winking] great for the romance department, too. Ho-ho-ho!

But Santa, what about your suit?

I always soak in long winter underwear…with suspenders.

I feel kind of sorry for the reindeer. They don’t get in on the fun.

Sure they do! We also had a big swim spa put in. They love swimming against the current — we can barely convince Blitzen to leave the water. Plus, the exercise gets them in tip-top condition for Christmas Eve.

Rudolph, too?

I’ll let you in on a little secret about Rudolph. If it wasn’t for modern pool technology, we’d probably have had to put him out to pasture by now.

What do you mean?

[Whispering] I’m talking about the nose job.

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer had surgery to reduce the size of his… proboscis?!

Ho-ho-ho! Of course not. But face it, he’s no spring chicken anymore. Over the years, his glowing nose had gotten dimmer and dimmer.

Well…what kind of nose job did he have?

Fiberoptics saved the day! We had some red fiberoptic lights — which are often used in pools, spas and fountains — implanted in Rudolph’s schnozzle. A Beverley Hills plastic surgeon did it. Now he glows brighter than ever, and in a very energy-efficient manner, I might add. Of course, I no longer need Rudolph to steer me in the right direction while we deliver gifts…not since I had a GPS system installed in the sleigh.

So, you’re saying the reindeer are also big fans of watershapes.

Absolutely, especially since so many homeowners have been installing beautiful streams and ponds with the water treated naturally. The reindeer love nothing more than swooping down and taking long, cool drinks and the occasional hoof-rejuvenating dip. As you might imagine, delivering toys to the whole world works up a powerful thirst — not to mention the fact that the reindeers’ hooves heat up from friction whenever they bring the sleigh to a full and complete stop.

And treating the water naturally is great for the environment, right?

Yep…although I’m not completely sold when it comes to those green roofs we’re spotting more and more these days. You try landing on a slippery, grass-covered roof sometime! Ho-ho-ho!

Any other trends that have caught you eye?

A lot of people are installing these newfangled outdoor fireplaces…and believe me, the situation can get pretty confusing from a few thousand feet up. Let me put it this way — I‘ve squeezed through quite a few of the chimneys on those things, and I‘ve never found cookies and milk on the other side.

Santa, we know you’ve got a lot of work to do to get ready for Christmas, so we don’t want to keep you too long. Any final words for our readers?

No matter which traditions people celebrate, I wish all of them a great holiday season and a wonderful New Year! And to the many talented, creative watershapers out there…never forget that you bring much joy to the world. Be proud of that! In conclusion, let me just add, “Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!”